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Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present with your partners, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.