Those Phrases shared by A Parent That Helped Me as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate between men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a few days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."